You Can Create a Caring, Connected and Communicative Relationship
If you’re seeking an experienced, compassionate and connected couples therapist in Boulder, CO or the surrounding area to serve as a neutral guide and help you restore and recharge your relationship, I can help. I invite you to call me at 303-579-8572 to schedule a free, initial 30-minute consultation either by phone or in-person at my Boulder office. I’m happy to discuss your specific needs and answer questions you have about couples counseling and my practice.
Do You Want To Repair, Restore and Recharge Your Relationship?
Are you and your partner struggling to effectively communicate and thoughtfully connect?
Have you found yourselves repeating patterns, such as having the same argument over and over, misunderstanding each other and feeling stuck in a relentless cycle?
Perhaps you’re struggling with differences in parenting styles, values, money, extended family or intimacy and sex.
Or maybe one or both of you is dealing with external stressors and rather than working though it as a committed team, you’re taking the stress out on each other.
It might be that a line has been crossed in the relationship and you’re unsure if recovering from betrayal and restoring trust is possible.
Maybe you are constantly hurting each other and don’t know how to break a cycle that is not serving either of you or doing anyone in your lives any good.
Do you feel a longing to be understood, valued and loved and connect with your partner in ways that feel meaningful, nourishing and secure?
No Relationship Is Perfect
If you’re struggling to feel understood, appreciated, heard and seen in your relationship, you are far from alone. Many—if not most—couples, whether married, partnered, separated, divorced, same-sex or remarried, bump up against times in their relationship when communication becomes strained and stress and disconnection rather than tenderness and connection seem to rule the relationship.
We all have a deep longing to love and be loved. However, no relationship is perfect, and at times it can feel hard to accept, forgive, give and receive.
Relationships need to be nurtured. In today’s stressful, success-driven and fast-paced world there never seems to be enough time. It is not uncommon to lose sight of how much tending our relationships need in order to thrive. We are so different as individuals, and even partners who initially seemed to have so much in common, have different needs. These needs are often rooted in early childhood experiences with our primary caregivers. Wounds and patterns developed in our youth come up in our adult intimate relationships—often seemingly out of no where. This can leave us feeling triggered, out-of-control and not in charge of our reactions. Without an understanding of where these strong emotions and reactions are coming from, communication and connection inevitably break down and we start feeling disconnected and stuck.
The good news is that whether you’re new to relationship, have been married for years or are trying to navigate a separation or blended family, it is possible to develop increased self-awareness, own what you’re bringing to the relationship and learn how to meet each other’s needs. With the help of a trusted couples therapist and a willingness to explore yourselves and the relationship, you can repair, recharge, restore and reconnect.
Couples Counseling Provides You With Support, Skills and Strength
Couples therapy provides you with a safe place to explore the many strengths that already exist in your relationship and in each other and work from there to resolve issues and returnto a harmonious and supportive connection. Through identifying patterns that do not serve you as you gain a better understanding of how each other is wired to be in relationship, you can clear away obstacles and not only restore, but significantly strengthen, your relationship.
My role as a neutral guide is to provide you both with structure, safety and support and you engage in a healing and strengthening process. Initially, I’ll get to know your relationship and you each as individuals. I may ask to meet with you each individually, but generally we will be working as a team, which helps you both grow in understanding of each other as you also uncover insights into yourselves.
Throughout our counseling sessions we will explore the expectations that you put on yourselves and each other and bring awareness to your communication styles. As humans, we tend to give our partners what we need to feel loved, respected and heard in the relationship. Since we often have different ways of experiencing these things, this might not be the best strategy. For instance, you might need attention when things get tense while your partner needs space to think things through. Some of us feel loved through touch, some from hearing the words. Through this work, we’ll uncover what you both need to feel loved and explore ways to compromise and connect so that both of you get what you need and want in your relationship.
I understand, appreciate and honor that every individual and relationship is unique, which is why I’ll develop a couples counseling strategy that focuses on your specific and collective histories, issues, needs, wants and therapy goals. All of the work is integrative and solutions and strength-based. I’ll offer you compassionate support, practical guidance and valuable skills that can help you to attune your nervous systems, effectively communicate and resolve conflicts in ways that feel supportive rather than stressful.
I’ve been supporting couples in private practice for over a decade. I have seen time and again that with a willingness to self-explore, a desire to understand your partner and a dedication to tend to the relationship, anything becomes possible. We are meant to live, learn, grow and heal in relationship, however, that closeness inevitably creates friction. The good news is that rather than let friction turn to fire, you can learn how to effectively and lovingly lean into and learn from each other, clear through what’s been keeping you apart and restore a healthy and harmonious connection.
You still might wonder if therapy for couples is right for you…
Couples counseling seems to be the last resort for many couples. I’m worried that going to therapy means that our relationship is over.
In no way does couples therapy mean that your relationship is over. Rather, engaging in counseling is an opportunity to tend to and honor your relationship. It’s taking collective agency—especially if you are struggling to communicate and connect with each other—to strengthen your bond and deepen your understanding of each other and yourselves. Essentially, for many couples, therapy is proactive action to clear through life’s inevitable obstacles, develop valuable insights and skills and both personally and collectively heal and grow.
We’ve decided to separate and are considering divorce. Neither of us is sure that the relationship is repairable. Can you still help us?
The couples counseling that I offer provides you with a safe and supportive space in which you get to make a decision about what comes next. Together, we can look at what brought you to this place in your relationship and develop insight and understanding into perhaps unseen patterns and the causes for the separation. Whether you decide to restore your relationship or move in separate directions, this information is vital to your personal growth and can be used as a springboard as you move forward. Should you decide to divorce, couples therapy can help you do so amicably and with mutual respect. This is especially important if you have children who will be impacted your breakup.
I think that we really need help, but my partner is reluctant to join me for couples therapy.
I think it’s important for all couples to know that couples therapy is not about placing blame or casting fault or judgment. Rather, it’s about uncovering and connecting with what both partners need to feel love. It’s focused on identifying and shifting out of the negative patterns that aren’t serving anyone and then finding ways to foster clean and clear communication. I will help you focus on nurturing appreciation rather than focusing on faults.
That said, if you partner is still reluctant to work with a couples counselor, I invite you to come on your own. Everything that we do has an impact on the world around us and exploring yourself and making changes in your interaction with your partner has the power to create a shift in your relationship. Furthermore, when your partner sees and feels these shifts, he or she may open up to the idea of counseling.